Why Singleness is More Than Just a Waiting Game

What if the life you're living right now—yes, right this moment—isn’t a warm-up act, a detour, or a delay?

What if this season of singleness isn't a frustrating filler… but actually the main course?

Let that sink in. Because for a lot of us, especially as single women in the Church, we've been told—directly or indirectly—that the real stuff of life happens after marriage. That marriage is the goal. The prize. The true “Plan A.”

And yet, many of us find ourselves well past the age we thought we'd be married, living a life that looks a whole lot like Plan Z. That’s exactly how a 30-something single woman described it recently—she felt like she’d failed Plan A and was now stuck in some kind of backup life.

But what if that thinking is completely backwards?

💡 What if Plan Z is your Plan A?

The truth is, your life hasn’t gone off-track. You're not behind. You're not stuck on the appetizer waiting for the real thing to arrive. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And here's how I know: because this is where you are.

Even if it doesn’t look like the life you expected, even if you still hope for a relationship in the future—you can hold that hope and embrace the life you have right now.

This is something I’ve wrestled with personally. I’ve never been comfortable with the idea that God is moving me around like a pawn on a game board, rolling the dice and deciding where I land. I’ve always felt this journey was more of a collaboration—a path shaped by both God's design and the agency He gifted me.

But I recently came across a metaphor that blew my mind and helped me reframe all of it.

🍽️ Enter: the Chinese Banquet

Author Alicia Britt Chole, in her beautiful book Anonymous: Jesus’ Hidden Years...and Yours, shares an experience that changed how she saw her own life. While working in Hong Kong, she was invited to a traditional Chinese banquet—a twelve-course meal where every dish was crafted with intention, flavor, and care.

She noticed something: not a single course felt like “filler.” Unlike her experience with chips and salsa or a forgettable side salad at restaurants back home in Texas, these dishes weren’t just there to pass time before the “real” meal arrived. Each course was rich, layered, and meaningful. Each one bore the marks of a master chef.

Then came the shift. Alicia writes:

“The reason no course looked like a filler was because, from the master chef’s perspective, no course was a filler. To him, every course was main.”

🎯 Let me say that again: To your Master Chef, every course is main.

That includes singleness.

That includes grief.
That includes career detours.
That includes uncertainty, growth, healing, and even heartbreak.

🙌 God is not wasting your time.

And He’s not disappointed in where you are.

You’re not on pause. You’re not behind. And your current season isn’t something to “get through” while you wait for the good stuff.

Singleness is not filler. It’s not a side dish.

It is main.

🔥 So… are you wasting it?

I don’t ask that to guilt-trip you. I ask because I’ve had to ask myself the same thing.

If God is calling this season “main,” but you’re treating it like it’s meaningless... are you showing up for your life the way you want to?

Are you living like your time matters? Or are you letting fear, disappointment, or comparison keep you circling the appetizer table?

Sometimes, the biggest time-waster isn’t singleness—it’s the belief that you should be somewhere else by now. It’s the energy you burn worrying what others think or wondering why you’re “still” here.

That’s not useful. It doesn’t serve you. And more importantly—it’s not true.

💪 You have the power to shift your experience.

Ask yourself questions that come from strength and agency—not lack.

✨ Given my current situation, what can I do?
✨ Who do I want to be?
✨ How do I want to show up?
✨ How do I want to feel?

And then, talk to God about it. Ask Him to help you see what He sees. Ask Him to guide your next step—and then start moving.

Because the moment you begin walking in faith is the moment He can direct your path.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll start to see this season of your life as sacred. As beautiful. As full of potential.

As main.