Trying ~ But Still Stuck? Here’s Why

Have you ever had seasons where you’re genuinely trying—showing up, putting in effort, doing your best—and yet… nothing seems to change?

You’re not lazy.
You’re not apathetic.
You’re not lacking desire.

And yet, you feel stuck. 😔

For many women, the instinctive response to feeling stuck is to push harder. Try more. Expect more from ourselves. Raise the bar even higher.

But what if the thing you believe will help you move forward is actually the very thing keeping you stuck?

The Kindness Gap We Rarely Notice

Here’s an honest question to consider:

Are you kinder to other people than you are to yourself?

When a friend is struggling, you offer understanding.
When she’s tired, you give her grace.
When she makes a mistake, you soften and remind her she’s human.

But when you fall short?

Your inner dialogue may sound very different.

“Why can’t I get this right?”
“I should know better by now.”
“What is wrong with me?”

That gap—between the grace you extend outward and the judgment you turn inward—matters more than we realize. It quietly shapes how safe it feels to grow, try again, and keep moving forward.

When Effort Isn’t the Problem

Many women believe that if they’re stuck, it must mean they’re not trying hard enough.

But often, the issue isn’t effort.

It’s perfectionism.

Perfectionism convinces us that progress requires flawlessness. That we must do things right before we’re allowed to feel peace. That mistakes are evidence of failure instead of part of learning.

And the cost of this belief is high.

When we expect perfection from ourselves, we eventually expect it from others. When either of us falls short—and we will—judgment follows.

Judgment tightens us.
It hardens us.
It drains joy and curiosity.
And it erodes kindness—especially toward ourselves.

The False Promise of Perfection

Perfection often masquerades as something noble.

We tell ourselves we’re being disciplined. Faithful. Committed. High-standard.

But underneath, perfectionism is often driven by a quieter belief:
If I do this perfectly, I’ll finally be okay.

The truth is sobering—and freeing:

Perfection brings neither peace nor progress.

It fosters anxiety.
Insecurity.
Distance—from ourselves, from God, and from our purpose.

Instead of helping us move forward, perfectionism often freezes us in place.

A Lesson Hidden in Plain Sight

There’s a beautiful metaphor hidden in a familiar setting.

In a church meeting, a young man once struggled to say a prayer perfectly. He missed a word. Started over. Added a word. Started over again. This happened several times.

Eventually, he said the prayer perfectly and moved on.

And in that moment, a quiet truth surfaced:

There are very few things in life that actually need to be perfect.

Music will be imperfect.
Talks will be imperfect.
Listening will be imperfect.
People will be imperfect.

And God knows this.

Not only does He know we are imperfect—He has a plan for it.

Progress Was Always the Point

That plan isn’t self-punishment or endless self-correction.

It’s progress.

Growth.
Learning.
Adjusting.
Trying again. 🌱

Repentance, at its core, isn’t about beating ourselves up. It’s about changing our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to align more fully with truth. It includes forming a fresh view of God, ourselves, and the world.

That kind of progress requires something perfectionism actively blocks: kindness.

Why Kindness Creates Movement

Kindness toward yourself is not indulgence.
It’s not weakness.
It’s not lowering the bar.

It’s the condition under which real growth happens.

When you feel safe instead of attacked, you’re more willing to try again.
When your inner voice is compassionate instead of cruel, learning becomes possible.
When progress—not perfection—is the goal, movement returns.

Kindness creates space for becoming.

A Question Worth Sitting With

So if you’re trying—but still stuck—this question may be worth more than another strategy:

What would change if you treated yourself with the same patience you already offer others?

Not letting yourself off the hook.
Not abandoning growth.
But releasing the belief that perfection is required before you are allowed to move forward.

Sometimes the path out of stuckness isn’t more effort.

It’s more kindness. 💛