How Do I Know What I’m Supposed to Do?

Have you ever wished someone would just tell you what you’re supposed to do?

Should I say yes or no?

Should I wait or take action?

Is this opportunity something I’m supposed to pursue—or should I let it go?

Is God trying to tell me something?

Sometimes the decision itself isn’t even the hardest part.

It’s wondering whether you got your part right.

Why It Can Be So Hard to Know What to Do

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my bishop on a Friday night.

A friend’s husband had passed away, and his funeral was the next day. The funeral had been planned for about a week, but no one had arranged for a pianist.

Now they needed one.

I was annoyed.

I agreed to play the opening and closing hymns, but I wasn’t willing to take responsibility at the last minute for two special musical numbers I hadn’t even seen.

Decision made.

Except my brain wasn’t finished.

Had I done enough?

Could I have done more?

Should I have done more?

Maybe you recognize that conversation.

You make a decision, but instead of moving forward, you continue evaluating whether you made the right one.

Underneath all that second-guessing is often a question:

How do I know which part is mine?

“Could I Do More?” Isn’t the Same as “Is More Mine to Do?”

This distinction has become incredibly useful to me.

Because if I ask myself, Could I have done more?, the answer will almost always be yes.

Of course I could have done more for the funeral.

But:

Could I have done more? is not the same question as Was more mine to do?

We can easily confuse the two.

Someone asks something of us, and because we can do it, we wonder whether we should.

Someone we love has a problem, and because we can imagine ways to help, we begin feeling responsible for solving it.

An opportunity appears, and we wonder whether its appearance means God expects us to take it.

Soon, we aren’t simply deciding what to do.

We’re trying to make sure we do our part correctly.

Are You Trying to Figure Out Everyone Else’s Part First?

There’s a concept from Byron Katie that has helped me tremendously. She describes three kinds of business:

My business.

Other people’s business.

God’s business.

The problem is that we can spend an enormous amount of mental energy in the other two.

We think about what someone else should do, what decision they should make, or what they should understand.

We can even have strong opinions about what God should be doing.

When should He answer my prayer?

Which door should He open?

Why hasn’t this happened yet?

We may not recognize this as trying to manage someone else’s—or God’s—business.

We think we’re simply trying to figure out our own.

But sometimes what we’re really saying is:

If everyone else would make their part clear first, then I would know what to do.

And perhaps there’s an even deeper reason we want that clarity.

We’re afraid we’ll get our part wrong.

You Don’t Have Tomorrow’s Information

Certainty sounds wonderful because it seems to promise protection from making the wrong decision.

If only you knew what the other person would do.

If only you knew what God was doing.

If only you knew how everything would turn out.

Then you could choose correctly.

But you’re asking yourself to make today’s decision with tomorrow’s information.

And you don’t have tomorrow’s information.

You have what you know today.

Sometimes you’ll make a decision and later learn something you didn’t know when you made it.

Sometimes you’ll wish you had handled something differently.

That doesn’t automatically mean you failed.

It means you’re a human being making decisions without knowing everything.

Come Back to This Moment

So what are you supposed to do?

Come back to the only piece of time where your agency actually exists:

This moment.

And in this moment, there are two things you get to choose:

What you will do.

Who you will be.

You cannot exercise yesterday’s agency. Yesterday has already happened.

You cannot exercise tomorrow’s agency today. Tomorrow hasn’t arrived.

You cannot exercise someone else’s agency for them.

You can exercise yours.

Right now.

That doesn’t mean you stop caring about other people. It doesn’t mean you stop praying, hoping, helping, serving, or deeply desiring something.

It means you recognize where your agency lives.

Then another moment comes.

And you get to choose again.

God Has His Part—and You Have Yours

For those of us who believe in God, there is another layer of relief here.

In Moses 1:39, God describes His work:

“For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”

Then Doctrine and Covenants 11:20 describes ours:

“Behold, this is your work, to keep my commandments, yea, with all your might, mind and strength.”

God knows His part.

You don’t have to figure out how He will answer every prayer, what His timing will be, or how He will work everything out.

That’s His business.

You have yours.

And when your brain immediately asks, But am I doing my part well enough?, remember who your Heavenly Father is.

He is not hiding the correct answer and waiting to see whether you can find it.

He knows what you know today—and what you don’t.

And Jesus Christ is central to His plan precisely because you were never expected to move through mortality flawlessly.

You will make mistakes.

You may need to apologize, repair, repent, learn, or choose differently.

And then you will have another moment.

So, What Are You Supposed to Do?

You don’t need to figure out everybody else’s part before you can live yours.

You don’t need to know the ending before deciding what to do today.

Other people have their part.

God has His.

And you have yours.

Right here.

Right now.

What will I do?

Who will I be?

For this moment, that is enough.

And so are you.