The 4-Step Breakup Plan for the Most Toxic Relationship in Your Life
Breakups are hard. Whether you're the one hurting or the one doing the hurting, it never feels great. And while most of us think of breakups in terms of ex-boyfriends or ex-friends, today I want to talk about a different kind of ex: the awful, poisonous thought you’ve been carrying around in your head for years.
You know the one.
That little voice that whispers (or sometimes yells),
“I’m not good enough.”
“No one really loves me.”
“Everyone else is better than me.”
That thought? It’s been shaping your life more than you realize.
It’s become familiar—like an old toxic relationship that you know is no good for you, but it’s hard to let go.
Well, friend… it’s time to break up and break free.
Let me walk you through 4 powerful steps to help you do just that:
Step 1: Uncover the Thought
These thoughts are sneaky. They hide in the background like white noise, showing up when you're tired, hurt, or doubting yourself. I’ve been there. My personal poison was “I’m not good enough.” I said it out loud through tears—once to a coach, once to my husband—and each time, it felt so real. But it wasn’t true. It was just a thought… and a destructive one.
To find yours, try asking yourself:
What do I say to myself when I feel hurt or rejected?
What belief makes me feel the worst about myself?
What’s something I’d never say to someone I love, but I say to me?
Once you uncover that thought, write it down. Get it out of your head and onto paper where you can see it. That alone will start to weaken its grip.
Step 2: Choose to Break Up—for 30 Days
Now that you’ve found your ex-thought, it’s time to give it the boot.
But listen, this isn’t about never thinking the thought again. It’s about recognizing it and not entertaining it anymore.
You will still think it. That’s okay. When it pops up, say something like:
👉 “I see you, and I’m done with you.”
👉 “I hear you, but I’m not available anymore.”
Don’t let it unpack and stay the night. Shoo it off the stage. You’re in charge now.
Step 3: Expect to Feel Worse Before You Feel Better
Yep. It’s going to feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means it’s working.
Your brain loves patterns—even harmful ones. When you start disrupting those patterns, your brain will throw a little tantrum. It’ll want to “text your ex-thought.” Don’t fall for it.
This is the detox phase. It’s like sore muscles after a new workout. It’s temporary. Keep redirecting your brain and that thought will lose its power. Eventually, it’ll be just a blip—not something that runs your life.
Step 4: Fill the Space with Truth
Once your ex-thought is out, there’s space to fill. Let’s be intentional about what goes in.
And no, I’m not talking about sugary, empty affirmations like “I’m amazing!!!” That kind of toxic positivity can backfire. We’re after something more powerful: truth and bridge thoughts.
For me, I started with:
✨ “What if that’s not even true?”
✨ “How is that not true?”
✨ “I’m learning to believe I’m good enough.”
Bridge thoughts help you cross the gap without pretending you’re somewhere you’re not.
Here’s a bonus step: Ask Heavenly Father. Grab a journal and write,
“What would my loving Heavenly Father tell me is true about me?”
Then answer it. Let Him remind you of who you really are.
You Were Made for Freedom đź’›
This isn’t just about thinking positive. It’s about ending a toxic mental relationship that’s holding you hostage.
Your awful thought doesn’t deserve one more day in your head.
So here’s my invitation to you:
Pick that one painful thought—the one that shows up the most—and break up with it.
30 days. One thought. Notice it. Name it. Replace it.
You don’t have to do it alone.
✔️ Join my Insider Community for weekly encouragement
✔️ Book your free coaching consult if you're ready to go deeper
✔️ Or just keep showing up—listening, reading, learning. That's a win too.
Just don’t ghost yourself anymore. 💛
You deserve better than that ex-thought. You deserve you—fully present, fully powerful, fully free.