Wondering If He Likes You? Ask Yourself This Instead
Have you ever found yourself wondering…
“Does he like me?”
And then suddenly you’re overthinking everything—
what you said, how you said it,
whether you should text him…or wait?
And without even realizing it, you start showing up just a little differently.
A little more careful.
A little more filtered.
A little more focused on being liked than being yourself.
If you’ve been there—you’re not alone. 💛
But what if that’s not actually the most important question to be asking?
The Question Most Women Ask (and Why It’s Not Enough)
Most women approach dating with one primary question:
“Do I like him?”
And right alongside that question is another one, often unspoken:
“Does he like me?”
But there’s a much more powerful question—one that changes everything about how you experience dating:
👉 “Do I like who I become when I’m with him?”
Because the truth is…dating can bring out a version of you that doesn’t feel like you.
The Subtle Ways You Start Losing Yourself
When you like someone, it’s easy to slip into performance mode.
You might notice yourself:
Editing what you say
Trying to manage his opinion of you
Overthinking texts
Wanting to “get it right”
Being a little less honest, a little less bold
Instead of simply connecting…you start performing.
Instead of choosing…you start hoping to be chosen.
And here’s the key:
✨ This often starts before the first date ever happens.
It can begin with one simple thought:
“I hope he likes me.”
From that moment on, your energy can shift—from grounded and authentic…to careful and strategic.
A Personal Story (a.k.a. The Chocolate Cake 🍰)
There was a time I was interested in a guy who, on paper, checked all the boxes.
Great job. Fit. Strong in his faith.
At a singles ward bake sale, I made what I was sure would be an irresistible chocolate cake. I just knew he would buy it, taste it, and—well—the rest would be history.
Except…he didn’t even bid.
Later I found out: he doesn’t like chocolate.
But the real lesson wasn’t about cake.
It was about how I had completely lost myself trying to make one person like me.
I wasn’t present.
I wasn’t enjoying the event.
I wasn’t connecting with people around me.
My focus had narrowed down to one person and one outcome.
That’s what happens when we start trying to control how someone feels about us.
Dating Shouldn’t Feel Like an Audition
There’s a difference between showing up as your best self and showing up as a performative version of yourself.
One is confidence.
The other is anxiety.
When dating becomes an audition, you might find yourself:
Laughing at things that aren’t funny
Agreeing when you actually don’t
Trying to seem easier, cooler, or more impressive
Monitoring your behavior constantly
And underneath all of it is a quiet fear:
💭 “If I’m fully myself…what if he doesn’t choose me?”
But here’s the truth:
👉 The real risk isn’t that you’ll lose him.
👉 The real risk is that you’ll lose yourself trying to keep him.
A Better Way to Approach Dating
What if instead of focusing on being chosen…you focused on how you feel and who you are becoming?
Try asking:
👉 Do I like who I am when I’m with him?
Because the kind of relationship you truly want isn’t one where you perform well…
It’s one where you feel:
Relaxed
Honest
Playful
Confident
Fully yourself
The “More Me or Less Me?” Check
Here’s a simple way to evaluate any relationship:
✨ Am I more me…or less me?
Pay attention to how you feel:
More Me looks like:
You speak freely
You feel calm
You laugh easily
You don’t overthink everything
Less Me looks like:
Walking on eggshells
Rehearsing conversations
Overanalyzing
Hiding parts of yourself
And here’s the important part:
This isn’t just about dating.
You can notice this in any relationship—friends, family, coworkers.
This kind of awareness will change your life. 💫
Who Do You Want to Be in a Relationship?
Instead of focusing only on who you want to be with…
Ask yourself:
👉 Who do I want to be in a relationship?
Do you want to be:
Honest
Playful
Confident
Relaxed
Emotionally safe
Now take it one step further.
What does that actually look like for you?
Because when you’re clear on who you want to be, you can start noticing whether you’re showing up as that version of yourself.
What Changes Everything
When you know who you are…
When you trust yourself…
When you stop abandoning yourself to be loved…
Dating becomes simpler.
Calmer.
Clearer.
You’re no longer trying to earn someone’s interest.
You’re simply noticing:
👉 Does this relationship allow me to be fully myself?
The Bottom Line
Dating isn’t just about finding someone you like.
It’s about finding someone around whom you can be fully yourself.
Because the most meaningful relationships aren’t the ones where you perform the best…
They’re the ones where you feel most like you. 💛