Tired of Waiting to Feel Wanted? Here’s the Truth That Sets You Free
You Don’t Have to Wait to Feel Wanted
Years ago, a guy I liked—like, really liked—told me I was a control freak. Ouch, right?
He said I expected too much from my friends. I was stunned and, of course, defensive. I wasn’t trying to be controlling. I just knew they were capable of more! I wanted what was best for them. At least, that’s what I told myself.
But if I’m being honest, what I really wanted was for this guy to like me—romantically. And he didn’t. He liked me just fine… as a friend.
No matter how hard I tried to orchestrate moments where he’d magically “see me” in a new way, it wasn’t happening. It was frustrating. And exhausting. And, frankly, demoralizing. There was nothing fun or romantic about it.
Eventually, I gave up. I just couldn’t get him to “do it right.” And that’s when I realized something huge: I was trying to solve the wrong problem.
It wasn’t about him not liking me. The real issue was that I wanted him to be different than he was—so I could feel wanted. I wanted him to change so I could feel better. And that, my friend, is the definition of emotional outsourcing.
Whose Job Is It to Make You Feel Wanted?
Here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner: It’s not anyone else’s job to make you feel wanted. That job belongs to you.
We’ve been taught since we were little girls that other people are responsible for how we feel. Think about it: if you cried as a child, an adult probably said, “Is someone making you sad?” The idea that others cause our emotions got planted early—and no one ever corrected it.
And yes, it does feel good when someone says something kind or makes us feel seen. But when we rely on that to feel wanted, we’re setting ourselves up for a long, painful wait.
The Good News: You Don’t Have to Wait
You don’t need someone else to change so you can feel wanted, valued, or loved.
And just think how freeing that is!
You are already doing this in other areas of your life. You want a beach vacation? You plan it. You want a promotion? You take the course, prep your resume, and go for it. You want to own a home? You start budgeting and saving.
You take control and create the life you want.
So why hand over your emotional well-being to someone else?
Take Back the Power
Let’s get that control back where it belongs—with you.
Here’s how:
Step 1: Awareness
Be honest with yourself (with compassion, please). If you’re waiting on someone to change so you can feel a certain way, ask yourself these questions:
What do I wish this person would say or do?
Why do I want them to behave that way?
How would I feel if they did?
Now ask: Do I want them to do it—even if they don’t mean it? If the answer is no, then great news: you're craving authentic connection, not performance or people-pleasing. That starts with you being your authentic self.
Step 2: Redirect Your Energy
Instead of pouring energy into hoping someone acts differently, focus on creating the life you want. Make room for people who are already drawn to you for who you are.
You can absolutely make requests of others. But don’t make your emotional life hinge on whether or not they meet those requests. That’s where true self-confidence comes in.
What Real Self-Confidence Looks Like
When I talk about self-confidence, I’m not talking about fake-it-til-you-make-it bravado. I mean the kind of confidence that lets you…
Feel any feeling without running from it
Hold a strong, loving opinion of yourself—no matter what others think
And no, that’s not selfish or bossy or cold. That’s powerful. That’s stable. That’s peace.
You’re not waiting for someone to pick you. You’re choosing yourself, over and over again. And when you do that, guess what? You make room for real connection—where no one has to pretend, perform, or meet an unspoken checklist.
Final Word
Listen to me, my beautiful friend: you deserve a fulfilled life. Not one that depends on someone else's attention or approval—but one that’s steady because it’s built on your self-confidence.
You deserve to feel wanted—and you don’t have to wait for someone else to say or do the right thing to feel that way. You get to generate that feeling from within. That’s not selfish. That’s powerful. That’s freedom.
You are the safest, most reliable place for your emotional life to land. And when you take full responsibility for how you feel, you don’t just feel more in control—you feel more you. Authentically, confidently, joyfully you.
That’s what I want for you. And it all starts with this: taking back the power over how you feel.