Feeling Rejected? Here’s What’s Actually Happening (and How to Change It)

Let’s talk about rejection. We’ve all been there—the text that never comes, the invite that skips you, or watching someone else get the job you wanted. It hurts to feel left out, unwanted, or overlooked.

Trust me, I know the feeling.

When I was newly married and settling into my new ward, I noticed a group of women posting about fun girls-night-outs, concerts, birthday dinners… all the things. And I wanted in. Some invites came my way, but not all. The concert trips? The Branson girls’ weekends? Crickets.

I’d scroll through the social media posts later, feeling dismissed and left out. I made it mean something terrible about me: I’m not fun enough. I don’t belong. I’m too much of this or not enough of that…something is wrong with me.

Sound familiar? Here’s what I want you to know:

Rejection is just an event.
It’s neutral until your brain attaches meaning to it.

An invitation didn’t come? That’s the event.
A guy says, “I just want to be friends”? That’s the event.
You didn’t get the promotion? Again—the event.

It only starts to sting when your brain adds a painful story:
I’m not good enough. I’m unlovable. I’ll never belong. I’ll be alone forever.

The truth? Their choice to not invite you or to say no doesn’t define your worth. And here’s the sneaky part—the most damaging rejection often doesn’t come from them…it comes from you.

Let me show you how:

1. When You Reject Yourself After the Event
I wasn’t being rejected by those women—my own thoughts were rejecting me. Their choice about who to invite to concerts or trips had nothing to do with my value as a person. It might’ve been about logistics…fitting everyone in one car. Or maybe they simply thought of someone else first.

And guess what? If I want to go to Branson, I can plan my own trip and invite whoever I want! Their choices don’t define me.

2. Romantic Rejection
I’ve had the “let’s just be friends” conversation too. It stings…unless you see it for what it is: six words. That’s all.

But your brain? It runs wild with: I’m not attractive enough. I’ll be alone forever.

No, my friend. His words aren’t a universal truth—they’re one guy’s choice. And honestly? You don’t want a man who doesn’t want you. Period.

3. Professional Rejection
The promotion goes to someone else. Ouch. But again, that’s the event. It doesn’t mean you’re not capable, worthy, or destined to stay stuck. Your boss made a choice. That’s all.

Sometimes rejection redirects us toward something better—or reminds us to keep preparing for what’s next.

4. The Sneaky Self-Rejection
We often reject ourselves in quiet, subtle ways:

• I shouldn’t feel this way.

• My thighs look huge.

• I’m not that great, they’re just being nice.

Dismiss your feelings? Reject.
Criticize your body? Reject.
Downplay your strengths? Reject.

Self-rejection chips away at your confidence. It keeps you small and stuck. But you can stop it.

5. The Deepest Rejection—Doubting God’s Love
This one breaks my heart: sitting in church, hearing about divine worth, and thinking, Yeah…but not for me.

That’s rejection at the deepest level—dismissing God’s love for you. And those thoughts? They are not from God. They’re lies from the enemy.

You believe in God and Jesus—but do you believe them? Believe that you’re worthy, loved, and growing? You should—because they said so.

How to Stop Rejecting Yourself
Ready to reverse the pattern? Try these:

✅ Pay attention to your self-talk. Notice when your brain adds painful meaning to life’s neutral events.
✅ Practice radical self-acceptance. Feel your feelings. Own your imperfections. Nothing has gone wrong.
✅ Believe God and Jesus. Not just in them—but believe what they say about you.
✅ Rewrite the story. The missing invite, the “just friends” talk, the passed-over promotion—it doesn’t mean you’re less than.
✅ Have your own back—always. No matter what, choose to love yourself.

Simple? Yes. Easy? Not always. That’s why working with a good coach makes all the difference.

My client Erin realized, “I was so hard on myself…just cruel in my thoughts.” Coaching changed that.

Want to change your pattern too? It starts with a complimentary consultation. Book yours at sharonlamarcoaching.com/bookasession.

You don’t have to keep rejecting yourself. You are worthy. You are loved. And your story isn’t over.