The Secret to Staying Calm When Life Doesn’t Go Your Way

Have you ever reacted to something small and later thought, “Okay… maybe that was a little over the top”? 😅

That was me last week — except I wasn’t the one reacting. I was the one watching it happen.
And it all went down in the most ordinary place: Panera Bread.

The Bread Bowl Blowup

It was lunchtime, the place was packed, and I was waiting in line for my usual Pick 2. The smell of soup and French baguettes was amazing. But the mood? Not so amazing.

A woman who had ordered a bread bowl had just been told they were out. The employee kindly offered her two baguettes instead. And then… she completely lost it. Her voice rose, her frustration spilled out, and she demanded her money back — loudly, with a few swear words sprinkled in.

The shift supervisor tried to help, but she was visibly shaking and raising her voice, too.
And then a well-dressed man stepped up with the same complaint, saying, “You’re lucky I don’t come over that counter.”

Three full-grown adults.
Three outsized reactions.
Missing bread bowls. 🍞🙃

Every single one of them was acting from emotional childhood — and that’s what I want to talk about today.

What Emotional Childhood Looks Like

My teacher Brooke Castillo defines emotional childhood as what happens when adults haven’t yet matured emotionally.

It’s when we:

• react instead of respond

• blame instead of reflect

• demand instead of manage our own emotions

It’s basically handing someone else your emotional remote control and saying, “Here — you decide how I feel.”

That day at Panera:

• the customers believed their happiness depended on getting a bread bowl

• the supervisor believed her peace depended on customers behaving kindly

Everyone was waiting for someone else to change before they could calm down.
That, my friend, is emotional childhood in action.

What Emotional Adulthood Is

Emotional adulthood is the exact opposite.

It’s when you take full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It’s when you stop outsourcing your emotional well-being to other people.

It sounds like:

“I’m feeling upset — and I get to decide what I want to do with that.”

Brooke also taught me something life-changing:

“Being dependent on someone else as an adult, when you don’t need to be, is the most disempowering thing you can do.”

And it’s true.
Emotional childhood is dependence.
Emotional adulthood is freedom. ✨

Your Everyday “Bread Bowl” Moments

Chances are you’re not yelling at Panera employees, but you do have your own bread bowl moments. Here are a few:

1. A guy cancels a date

• Emotional Childhood:
  You make it mean something about your worth. You spiral, replay everything he said, and maybe even blame “the dating pool.”

• Emotional Adulthood:
  You feel disappointed (because you’re human), and you decide: “This stings, but it doesn’t change who I am.” You move on with your evening without giving him power over your value.

2. A friend doesn’t text back

• Emotional Childhood:
  You feel ignored and withdraw or test the friendship.

• Emotional Adulthood:
  You notice your brain creating a story and remind yourself you don’t know what’s happening on her end. You choose curiosity over judgment.

3. Your boss doesn’t recognize your contribution

• Emotional Childhood:
  You think, “Why bother?” and wait for validation.

• Emotional Adulthood:
  You allow disappointment, keep showing up with integrity, and advocate for yourself if needed — without tying your value to someone else’s acknowledgment.

4. The RS President doesn’t notice your effort

• Emotional Childhood:
  You stew, feel unseen, maybe even withdraw from serving.

• Emotional Adulthood:
  You remember you serve because you want to contribute, not because you’re looking for praise. You let your sense of worth come from yourself and Heavenly Father. 💛

Same circumstances.
Different emotional ownership.

One reactive.
One grounded.

This is the power of emotional adulthood.

The Double Lesson at Panera

What struck me that day was this:
Everyone involved believed their peace depended on someone else.

The customers felt entitled to bread bowls.
The supervisor felt entitled to polite customers.
No one was wrong for wanting what they wanted — but everyone gave away their peace trying to control something they couldn’t.

That’s emotional childhood: waiting for the world to behave “better” so you can feel “better.”

Where Are You Still in Emotional Childhood?

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• Where am I blaming someone else for how I feel?

• Where do I expect others to behave differently so I can feel okay?

• When do I feel entitled to something I haven’t earned?

• Where do I believe I “deserve” something… without doing the work for it?

This isn’t about shame or judgment.
It’s about awareness — and awareness is the doorway into emotional adulthood.

The Freedom of Emotional Adulthood

Emotional adulthood takes more responsibility than emotional childhood… but it’s completely worth it.

Imagine living from a place where:

• you’re not dependent on anyone else for your emotional state

• you can still love deeply without needing others to manage your feelings

• you feel steady, grounded, and confident regardless of what’s happening around you

That’s emotional adulthood.
That’s freedom.
That’s peace that doesn’t depend on bread bowls — or on people behaving “right.”

Because bread bowls will run out.
People will disappoint you.
Plans will change.

But when you’re living from emotional adulthood, you still have calm and joy… because you are the one creating them. 🧡