Stop Trying to Be Happy — It’s Keeping You Stuck
Most of us grow up believing the goal of life is simple: be happy.
But what if “happy” isn’t the goal at all?
What if focusing on happiness is actually keeping you stuck?
Today we’re talking about the real reason you get stuck on your goals, why you procrastinate on things you want to do, and how learning to feel your feelings might be the most life-changing skill you ever develop. ✨
Let’s begin with a little honesty from my own life.
Why We Avoid the Things We Want 😅
I’m going to tell on myself for a moment.
Social media scares me.
It just does.
Creating my podcast used to scare me too — I told myself every reason why it wasn’t the right time, why I wasn’t ready, why it wouldn’t work. But eventually I did it anyway… one imperfect episode at a time.
But IG Reels? That was a whole different battle.
I’d write “Create IG Reel” on my calendar and spend the entire day finding reasons not to do it. So then I tried writing “Learn how to create an IG Reel”… and still avoided it.
And I had a very polished argument for why:
“Social media wastes people’s time.”
“No one pays attention anyway — they just scroll.”
“My podcast is enough.”
“I’m just not good at social media.”
I believed all of it.
But none of those were real reasons. They were just stories I told myself so I wouldn't have to feel certain emotions — emotions like:
• Uncertainty
• Awkwardness
• Inexperience
• Vulnerability
• Judgment
I wasn’t avoiding social media.
I was avoiding feeling uncomfortable.
And procrastinating didn’t protect me — it simply created different uncomfortable feelings: disappointment, frustration, and the sense that I was shrinking instead of growing.
Almost every woman has a version of this happening in her life. A place where she thinks she’s “protecting herself”… when really, she’s just avoiding a feeling.
Name the Feeling — Not the Story 🎨
Did you know there are over 5,000 emotions available to human beings? God could have given us just a few, but instead He designed a full, rich emotional experience on purpose.
And yet, most of us can barely name what we’re feeling.
We say things like:
“I feel like he should call me more.”
“I feel like I’m not appreciated.”
“I feel like it never works out.”
Those aren’t emotions.
They’re thoughts.
A real emotion is one word: sad, hopeful, embarrassed, lonely, disappointed, afraid.
If naming emotions feels overwhelming, start with the five basics:
Mad. Sad. Bad. Glad. Afraid.
Almost every emotion you feel is a shade of one of these.
When you name the feeling, a few powerful things happen:
• You separate fact from story.
• You gain clarity.
• You understand yourself better.
• You stop reacting and start responding and allowing.
It’s like expanding your food palette.
If you only ever eat mac and cheese, you don’t know how good roasted vegetables or fresh herbs or curry can be.
The same is true emotionally.
The more emotional variety you allow, the richer your life becomes.
Happy Is Not the Goal — It’s the Middle 🙂
Here’s something no one teaches us, but everyone needs to hear:
Feelings exist on a spectrum.
Picture it:
On one end is the most intense negative emotion — maybe terror.
On the other end is the most intense positive emotion — maybe ecstasy.
And right in the center?
Happy.
Happy is pleasant.
Happy is comfortable.
Happy is familiar.
But happy won’t transform you.
Happy won’t teach you resilience or courage.
Happy won’t help you grow into the woman God sees in you.
Happy won’t deepen your compassion, faith, or connection.
If life was meant to be “just be happy,” mortality would feel like a playground.
Instead, God designed it to feel like transformation.
And transformation requires emotional range.
Feelings Drive Everything You Do (and Don’t Do) 🔥
Let’s make this practical.
Every single thing you do — and everything you avoid — comes down to emotion.
If something feels fun or energizing, you’re more likely to do it.
If something feels boring, scary, overwhelming, or uncomfortable, you’re more likely to avoid it.
Most of the “reasons” you tell yourself aren’t actually reasons at all:
“I didn’t have time.”
“I forgot.”
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
“I’m just not that kind of person.”
Almost every one of these quietly means:
“I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable.”
Once you truly understand this, everything changes.
The problem is no longer: “I need more motivation.”
It becomes: “I need to learn how to feel this feeling.”
That is emotional maturity.
That is emotional strength.
And that is the foundation of real self-confidence.
The action you want to take is sitting on the other side of the feeling you don’t want to feel.
A Simple Practice to Try Today 🌿
Here’s a three-step tool you can use right now:
Name the feeling with one word (even if it’s one of the basics: mad, sad, bad, glad, afraid).
Locate it in your body. Where is the feeling sitting — your chest, throat, stomach?
Allow it without trying to fix it.
You might say:
“This is sadness. It’s tight in my chest. And I can handle this.”
Feelings are not emergencies.
They rise and fall like waves on the shore. 🌊
And the more willing you are to feel them, the more life opens up.
The Real Secret: Emotional Range = Growth 💛
Being willing to feel any emotion is the first pillar of self-confidence.
You can’t create a new life while eating emotional mac and cheese forever.
Growth requires emotional variety.
When you expand your emotional palette, you expand your capacity to take action — even when it feels uncomfortable.
So here’s your invitation for today:
What emotion have you been avoiding?
And what might change if you let yourself feel it?
Your life opens one feeling at a time. 💛