Nothing Is Wrong With You (And Why You Think There Is)

Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind jumps to, “What’s wrong with me?” when something doesn’t go the way you hoped? 💭

A relationship feels strained.
A door doesn’t open.
Life feels heavier than it should.

And before you know it, the pain of the situation has turned into something deeper—something personal.

Here’s the truth that most women don’t realize (and rarely hear):

Nothing is wrong with you. 💗

Your Identity Is Not Fixed

We often think of identity as something permanent—something we’re born with and carry for life. But that’s not how it actually works.

Your identity is being created every single day by your brain.

And your brain has a default setting.

It naturally leans negative.
It looks for threat.
It scans for what’s wrong.
It produces fear, worry, and doubt. 🧠

Not because anything has gone wrong—but because that’s how the human brain works.

Which means if you’re not intentional, your identity will quietly form around self-doubt instead of self-trust.

Building self-confidence often feels hard because it requires swimming upstream—against:

• the natural pull of a brain that wants comfort and safety

• the programming you’ve picked up over time about who you “should” be

• the old beliefs and stories you’ve repeated so often they feel true

The good news? ✨
Your identity is trainable.

And the first step isn’t fixing yourself.

It’s being willing to do the work.

The Real Source of Pain Isn’t the Circumstance

When I work with women, I see this pattern again and again.

The most painful part of what they’re dealing with usually isn’t the circumstance itself.

It’s what they make the circumstance mean about them.

If a woman has never been married, she might think:

• God forgot me

• I’m not desirable

• I’m not chosen

If she’s divorced:

• I wasn’t enough

• Something is wrong with me

If she’s widowed:

• I’m alone now

• Life isn’t safe anymore

And this meaning-making doesn’t just show up in big life moments.

It shows up when:

• you don’t get the promotion

• you fail the test

• you don’t get the job

• you can’t lose the last fifteen pounds

• you’re not invited to girls’ night

Our brains default to thoughts like:

• This must mean something is wrong with me.

• I should play it safe.

• I should pull back.

• Staying on the couch feels much safer than taking a risk. 🛋️

How We Add Pain on Top of Pain

Here’s how it compounds.

Something happens.
Someone says something.
A door doesn’t open.

That’s the first layer of pain.

Then we add meaning.
We decide what it says about who we are.

That meaning creates a feeling—often shame, fear, or discouragement.

And that feeling fuels our actions.

We withdraw.
We hide.
We overthink.
We criticize ourselves.

So now we’re not just disappointed.

We’re attacking ourselves on top of it. 💔
Pain on top of pain.

A Personal Realization

I experienced this firsthand in a very personal way.

For a long time, I struggled to like—let alone love—a couple of family members. That struggle intensified over the years, especially as I watched others seem to love them easily.

My inner dialogue sounded like:

• What is wrong with me?

• Why can’t I just love them?

• I must not be a very good follower of Jesus.

I heard the opinions:
“Families are supposed to love each other no matter what.”

And there I sat—uncomfortable, struggling, and feeling pretty yucky about myself. Because I was convinced I was the problem.

One morning, while studying scripture and re-reading General Conference talks—as I do regularly—I came across a line that initially didn’t seem helpful at all.

But because I was in a posture of openness—praying, asking for help, and truly willing to see things differently—something shifted.

I was reminded of truths I already knew:
I am not responsible for the consequences of other people’s choices.

And suddenly, it made sense that I felt wary.
It made sense that I felt uncomfortable based on how these individuals had shown up and treated others.

There was nothing wrong with me.
I wasn’t doing it wrong.

And beating myself up?

That was not how God’s daughter was meant to live. 🙏

The real pain wasn’t the relationship.

The real pain was what I had been making it mean about me.

So I made a conscious decision:

• to love myself

• to trust myself

• to prioritize my relationship with me

Because when I’m in compassion with myself, it becomes possible to have compassion for others.

And this distinction matters.

Discernment vs. Self-Judgment

There’s a difference between discernment and self-judgment.

Discernment says:
“Something about this doesn’t feel safe or aligned with my values.”

Self-judgment says:
“There must be something wrong with me for noticing this.
I’m judging.
I’m hard-hearted.
I’m not loving unconditionally.”

Those are not the same thing.

The Third Pillar of Self-Confidence

Self-confidence isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a feeling.

And self-confidence is a feeling about yourself.

All feelings come from our thinking.

So the way you think about yourself determines whether you feel confident.

A self-confident woman thinks:

• I am capable

• I am worthy

• I am competent

• I am strong

Not because she’s proven it perfectly—but because those thoughts create the feeling that allows her to show up and create the life God has designed with her in mind. ✨

Identity Is a Choice

Over time, when we don’t trust ourselves…
avoid emotions…
let ourselves down…
default to self-doubt…

We start seeing ourselves as someone who needs to be careful.
Someone who should hold back.
Someone who shouldn’t expect too much.

And without realizing it, that becomes our identity.

That’s why the biggest struggle most women face isn’t their circumstances.

It’s the opinion they have of themselves.

Identity work is deciding who you are on purpose.

And it begins with this simple reframe:

“It totally makes sense the story I’ve been telling myself
and that I’ve been feeling the way I feel.”

This isn’t about agreeing with every thought.
It’s not about staying stuck.

It’s about self-compassion and self-awareness.

Because without those…
real change can’t begin. 💗