I’m Stuck. Now What?

Recently, a friend sent me a text that said, in part, “Just figuring out how best to get my life moving. I’ve been stuck for a while.”

My first thought was: Tell me more.

What do you mean when you say you’re stuck?

Are you stuck relationally? With your health? Money? Your career? Spiritually?

“I’m stuck” can mean something completely different for each of us. One woman may feel stuck in dating after years of trying without getting the results she wants. Another may feel stuck financially. Someone else may feel stuck in a difficult relationship, a career that isn’t going anywhere, or a body she has been trying to change for years.

The specifics matter to you. But the basic recipe for getting unstuck is remarkably similar.

Most of us assume that if we want something in our lives to change, we need to do something different.

And that’s probably true.

But doing something different isn’t where I think we need to start.

Before you can do something different, you need to think something different.

You need to begin by unsticking your thinking.

Why “I’m Stuck” Feels So True

When we feel stuck, we usually point to the circumstances of our lives as the reason.

Online dating isn’t working.

The promotion remains out of reach.

There isn’t enough money in the bank account.

The relationship is difficult.

Those circumstances may be completely real. But “I’m stuck” is what you’re thinking about those circumstances.

There’s a difference.

I’ve felt stuck in virtually every area of my own life—relationships, health, money, career, and spirituality. The circumstances were completely different, but I could have used the same sentence to describe all of them:

I’m stuck.

And when we stay in that sentence, we stagnate. We circle around the same thoughts and keep looking at the same circumstances from the same place.

So what’s the opposite?

I think it’s possibility.

Possibility doesn’t mean you know the answer. It doesn’t even mean anything outside of you has changed.

Possibility simply opens the door a crack.

Maybe there’s another way to think about this.

Maybe there’s something I haven’t considered.

Maybe I have more options than I think I do.

Stuck stagnates.

Possibility wonders. It wanders a little. It explores. It moves.

So how do you begin moving from stuck to possibility?

Here are the 3 Hows of Getting Unstuck.

1. How to THINK Unstuck

Start by getting curious.

Instead of saying, “I’m stuck” and leaving it there, ask yourself:

Tell me more.

Where specifically do I feel stuck?

What isn’t going the way I want it to?

What do I want to be different?

What am I telling myself about why it hasn’t changed?

You don’t need to sit down with a notebook and spend an hour analyzing yourself. Simply get curious.

Because “I’m stuck” sounds like a fact. It sounds like a description of your life.

But it’s actually a thought you’re having about your life.

And if you continually think, “I’m stuck,” your brain will happily gather evidence to prove it.

See? Nothing’s changing.

See? I tried that already.

See? This is just how it is.

Instead of using “I’m stuck” as the conclusion, use it as the beginning of the conversation.

There may even be something useful about remaining stuck. Staying where you are can sometimes feel safer than moving. You don’t have to risk failing or do the uncomfortable thing. Perhaps other people expect less from you. Maybe “stuck” has even become part of your identity.

There’s no need to judge yourself for any of it.

Just notice.

Get curious.

And begin wondering:

What else could be true?

What haven’t I considered?

What might be possible here?

Nothing outside of you has changed yet.

But something has moved.

Your thinking.

2. How to FEEL Unstuck

What does “unstuck” actually feel like?

I think it feels like possibility.

Not certainty.

Not confidence.

Not motivation.

Not “I know exactly what to do next.”

Possibility is simply the feeling that maybe there is more available to you than you can see right now.

Maybe there’s another way.

Maybe there’s something I haven’t considered.

Maybe this doesn’t have to stay exactly the way it is.

Notice that nothing outside of you had to change for you to feel that.

The circumstance may still be exactly the same. The thing you want to be different may still be exactly the same.

But your experience of it isn’t.

Instead of the heaviness of “Here I am again” or “Nothing is changing,” there is a little opening.

Huh.

Maybe.

What if?

That’s possibility.

You don’t need to feel highly motivated or completely confident before you can move. You just need enough possibility to stop believing that your only option is staying exactly where you are.

Stuck says, “This is just how it is.”

Possibility says, “Maybe not.”

3. How to ACT Unstuck

Now we finally get to the doing.

But notice the order.

First, you got curious and began thinking differently. That opened the door to feeling possibility.

Now do something.

Not everything.

Something.

Acting unstuck doesn’t mean solving the entire problem. You don’t need a five-year plan or certainty about how everything will turn out.

You simply need to move.

Send the email.

Make the phone call.

Ask the question.

Look something up.

Have the conversation.

Try something you haven’t tried before.

Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn’t.

Either way, you’ve moved—and movement gives you something you didn’t have when you were sitting in “I’m stuck.”

New information.

You learn something. You see something you couldn’t see before. Maybe the first thing you tried wasn’t the answer.

Okay.

Now what?

What else could you try?

What else might be possible?

You don’t need the perfect next step.

You just need a next step.

Because thinking creates possibility.

Possibility creates movement.

And movement creates new possibilities.

You May Not Be as Stuck as You Think

Maybe there’s an area of your life right now where nothing seems to be moving.

I don’t know what that area is for you. And I don’t know what the answer is.

But “I’m stuck” doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

Get curious.

Think unstuck.

Feel unstuck.

Act unstuck.

You don’t have to have the whole thing figured out. You simply have to be willing to consider that there may be more available to you than you can currently see.

Wonder a little.

Wander a little.

See what you find.

You may have far more possibilities available to you than you can see from where you’re standing right now.