Why Finding Love Feels Impossible 💔➡️💖

Have you ever noticed that once your brain decides something is true… it suddenly starts finding proof of it everywhere?

Lately, I’ve noticed this happening in the funniest way. 😂

As many of you know, we now have sleeveless garment tops. And listen…I LOVE them because I am a hot girl. I overheat constantly. 🥵

But I also have what I lovingly refer to as “grandmothery” upper arms.

And ever since the sleeveless garment tops came out, I’ve become VERY aware of other women’s arms at church. Suddenly, all I notice are women confidently rocking sleeveless dresses with beautifully toned Carrie Underwood arms. 💪✨

My brain immediately goes:
“See? THEY can pull it off. You, Sharon? Not so much.”

Now, here’s the fascinating part…

I’m probably surrounded by women with completely normal arms. Women who aren’t thinking about this at all. Women who may even have arms that look just like mine.

But my brain isn’t looking for that evidence.

It’s filtering for proof that my arms aren’t “good enough.”

And once I noticed my brain doing this with something silly like upper arms, I realized…

We do this with EVERYTHING.

Especially dating. 💔

Your Brain Loves Proof

When we want something deeply—love, marriage, connection, confidence, healing—and don’t have it yet, our brain starts collecting evidence for why we can’t have it.

“There are no good men.”
“Dating never works out for me.”
“I’m too old.”
“Something is wrong with me.”
“Nobody chooses me.”

At first, these are just thoughts.

But over time, the pile of evidence gets bigger and bigger.

Every disappointment gets tossed onto the pile.
Every awkward date.
Every rejection.
Every situationship.
Every unanswered prayer.

And eventually, what started as a thought begins feeling like a fact.

But here’s what I need you to hear:

✨ Feeling factual and being factual are not the same thing. ✨

Your brain is not necessarily reporting truth.

Your brain is reporting familiarity.

The longer you think something, emotionally react to it, and gather evidence for it, the more “true” it starts to feel.

Not because it IS true…
but because it has been practiced.

And Just So We’re Clear…

I’m not saying painful things haven’t happened.

I’m not saying rejection didn’t hurt.
I’m not saying disappointment wasn’t real.
I’m not saying the grief of wanting something for a very long time isn’t incredibly painful.

I understand why the pile of evidence got so big. ❤️

But what I am saying is this:

Your brain may have taken painful experiences and turned them into a permanent story about who you are and what is possible for your life.

That matters.

Because if your brain keeps repeating:
“This is hopeless.”
“This will never happen for me.”
“Finding love is impossible.”

…eventually your brain stops treating those thoughts like opinions and starts treating them like reality.

Ask Better Questions 🧠

One of the fastest ways to start shifting your filter is to ask your brain better questions.

Because your brain is constantly trying to answer the questions you repeatedly ask it.

So if your questions are:
“Why bother?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why does this never work?”

…your brain will happily gather more evidence to support those questions.

Instead, try asking:
✨ “What if my story isn’t over?”
✨ “What if there ARE good men?”
✨ “What if I’ve been filtering out possibility?”
✨ “What if finding love later in life is more common than I think?”

Notice the difference?

Those questions create curiosity instead of hopelessness.

And curiosity cracks the door open for your brain to start noticing different evidence.

You Have to Give Your Brain New Material

At some point, you have to participate in the life you say you want.

You cannot build evidence for a different life while continuing to live the exact same life.

And yes…that means discomfort will show up.

You may have to:

• join the dating app 📱

• go to the singles event

• send the message first

• be vulnerable

• risk rejection

• hope again

And honestly? I don’t think most women are avoiding dating.

I think most women are avoiding discomfort.

But uncomfortable does not mean impossible.

It means unfamiliar.

The Truth About Transformation 🌱

I have come to know, without a doubt, that discomfort is the price I must pay to become who I can become and achieve what I desire to have in my life.

Not because it sounds motivational.
Not because it belongs on a poster hanging at the gym. 😂

But because it’s simply true.

To become the next version of you—the woman who has what you want—you will have to think, feel, and do things you’ve never thought, felt, or done before.

And that includes feeling discomfort on purpose.

So maybe finding love isn’t as impossible as your brain has made it feel.

Maybe your brain has simply practiced one story for so long that it has forgotten how to look for anything else.

And maybe today is the day you begin gathering different evidence. 💖