What If You’ve Been Lying to Yourself?
Have you ever noticed how often women say:
"I don't care."
"Whatever."
"It doesn't matter."
Sometimes those statements are true.
But sometimes they're not.
Sometimes they're little moments of self-abandonment.
A few years ago, I was traveling with some girlfriends and we were trying to decide where to eat dinner. One friend kept saying, "I don't care. You decide."
Mexican food?
"I don't care."
Italian?
"Whatever you want."
Burgers?
"I'm fine with anything."
Eventually, the rest of us picked a restaurant. And wouldn't you know it? Once we sat down and looked at the menu, she suddenly had opinions.
"I was kind of hoping for something lighter."
"I'm not really in the mood for this."
And I remember thinking: Interesting.
Because she did care.
She absolutely had preferences.
She absolutely had desires.
She just didn't seem connected to them until someone else made the decision.
I think a lot of women live this way.
Not just with restaurants.
With life.
So Practiced at Reading the Room
Many women become experts at reading the room.
They know:
What everyone else wants
What would make everyone else comfortable
What sounds practical
What sounds reasonable
What they "should" want
But ask them:
"What do YOU want?"
And many freeze.
Not because they don't have desires.
But because they've spent years focusing outward instead of inward.
They've become so practiced at reading the room that they no longer know how to read themselves.
They've learned to be accommodating.
Easygoing.
Helpful.
Low-maintenance.
And over time, they slowly lose touch with their own preferences, desires, and dreams.
Desire Isn't the Problem
Some women are afraid to acknowledge what they want because they worry it sounds selfish, unrealistic, or ungrateful.
I see it differently.
I believe desire contains clues.
Not every passing impulse.
Not every comparison we make.
But the deeper desires that keep resurfacing in our lives.
The things that repeatedly call to us.
The things that make us feel more alive.
I believe those desires tell us something.
Personally, I believe God planted seeds of desire inside each of us.
Some are universal:
To love and be loved
To belong
To feel safe
To create
To experience joy
Others are uniquely ours.
And while we may not achieve every desire we have, pursuing those desires changes us.
We grow.
We learn.
We become more courageous.
More skilled.
More honest.
More fully ourselves.
Even Jealousy Can Be Helpful
Here's an idea that might surprise you.
Sometimes jealousy is information.
Not the kind that makes you bitter or resentful.
I'm talking about the kind that draws you toward someone.
Have you ever met a woman and thought:
"I wish I had her confidence."
Or:
"I wish I could express myself like that."
Or:
"I wish I had built something like that."
Those feelings may be revealing something important.
Not that you want to become her.
But that you want to become more fully you.
Sometimes what we admire in others points us toward a desire we've been afraid to acknowledge in ourselves.
Women Are Allowed to Take Up Space in Their Own Lives
One of my favorite lines from the movie When Harry Met Sally comes when Sally is ordering food.
Harry teases her because she's very specific about how she wants her meal prepared.
Finally, Sally simply says:
"I want it the way I want it."
I love that.
Not because she's demanding.
Not because she's difficult.
But because she's honest.
She knows what she wants.
And she isn't apologizing for it.
I think many women have forgotten they're allowed to do that.
They're allowed to:
Prefer
Choose
Ask
Create
Participate
They're allowed to take up space in their own lives.
A Simple Exercise
If you've been feeling disconnected from yourself, try this.
Make a list of 25 things that would make your ordinary Tuesday life feel more alive.
Not your dream vacation.
Not your someday life.
Your actual Tuesday.
Maybe it's:
Fresh flowers on the counter 🌸
More laughter 😂
A morning walk 🚶♀️
A creative hobby 🎨
Stronger friendships ❤️
More quiet time ☕
There are no right answers.
And there are no points for choosing things that sound impressive.
The goal isn't performance.
The goal is honesty.
Because a life you love isn't created accidentally.
It's created through thousands of small moments where you stop saying:
"Whatever."
And start telling yourself the truth.
Maybe the first step toward creating a life you genuinely love isn't working harder, becoming more disciplined, or waiting for your circumstances to change.
Maybe it's simply reconnecting with yourself.
Maybe it's asking:
"What do I actually want?"
And being brave enough to listen to the answer.