Want to Get Married? Decide to Date
Wanting Marriage Isn’t the Same as Deciding to Pursue It 💭
There’s something I’ve noticed over the years—both in my own life and in the lives of the women I work with.
Many women say they want marriage.
They think about it.
They pray about it.
They hope for it.
They imagine what life would be like if they were married.
But here’s the truth…
Wanting marriage isn’t the same as deciding to pursue marriage.
And that difference matters more than most women realize.
We do this in other areas of life too.
We say we want to lose weight…
get healthier…
save money…
get out of debt…
or finally take that dream trip to Europe ✈️
We hope.
We wish.
We pray.
But without a decision…
those things usually don’t happen.
Not because we didn’t want them.
But because we never decided to pursue them.
Marriage is no different.
The Moment I Realized I Had to Decide ✨
For a long time, I really wasn’t dating.
I was living my life…
waiting…
and every now and then hoping marriage would somehow just plop into my lap.
And here’s the interesting thing…
I was good at being single.
Really good at it.
I had built a life.
And honestly?
I was happy.
Not miserable.
Not broken.
Not sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
But one day, I had a very simple moment of clarity.
The thought popped into my mind:
"I’m really good at being single. I mean good at it."
And that was true.
But then another thought followed right behind it:
"I could keep doing this the rest of my life and I would be just fine… but I would like to learn how to be married."
That was the moment.
Nothing dramatic.
Just clear.
So I made a decision:
I am going to date—with the intent to get married.
And once I made that decision…
my actions started lining up with what I said I wanted.
Once You Decide, Your Time Starts to Change ⏳
After I made the decision to date, something interesting happened.
I started using my time differently.
I would hurry through Saturday chores.
Run errands.
Get things done.
Because I wanted to get online…
check my profile…
see who was new…
and respond to messages.
And you know what?
It was fun.
Not stressful.
Not overwhelming.
Fun.
Because I knew I was using my time to move closer to something I truly wanted.
Before making the decision, free time could easily disappear into scrolling social media…
or watching someone else live their life on TV 📺
But after you decide?
Free time feels different.
Because now the question becomes:
What does a woman who has decided to date with the intent to choose a husband do with free time?
That’s the power of a decision.
A decision gives direction.
Not perfection.
Direction.
The Four Lies Your Brain Will Tell You 🧠
Now let’s talk about what happens right before you make a real decision.
Your brain shows up.
And it starts offering reasons to wait.
Here are four common lies:
Lie #1: Decisions Take Time
Your brain says:
"This is a big decision… I need more time."
But decisions don’t take time.
They happen in a moment.
What takes time is debating…
overthinking…
waiting until you feel ready.
Lie #2: There’s a Right Decision
"What if I make the wrong choice?"
There is no perfect decision.
There are only decisions that move you closer…
or farther away…
from what you want.
Lie #3: I Don’t Know What To Do
"I don’t know where to start."
You don’t need the full plan.
You only need the first step.
Choose a dating site.
Write your profile.
Upload pictures.
Clarity comes from movement.
Lie #4: I’m Fine Where I Am
And maybe you are.
I was.
But being fine…
is not the same as moving forward.
Comfort can keep you stuck.
Even when you want more.
You Don’t Need Permission to Choose 💛
Sometimes, without realizing it, we wait for permission.
Permission from a man…like him choosing us.
Permission from life.
Sometimes even permission from God.
But here’s the truth:
God already gave you agency.
You have the ability to choose.
You don’t need permission to date.
You don’t need permission to pursue marriage.
You don’t need permission to create the life you want.
That permission has been yours all along.
Discomfort Is the Currency 💰
Every meaningful decision brings discomfort.
Writing a profile… uncomfortable.
Going on dates… uncomfortable.
Being visible… uncomfortable.
But discomfort isn’t a sign that something is wrong.
It’s a sign that something new is happening.
That’s why I like to say:
Discomfort is the currency required to get what you want.
If you want something new…
you’ll have to spend some discomfort to get it.
So the real question becomes:
Which discomfort are you willing to choose today?
The Real First Step to Marriage 💍
If you want marriage…
the first step isn’t meeting the right man.
It isn’t finding the perfect dating strategy.
It’s this:
Decide to date.
Decide to pursue what you say you want.
Because sometimes…
the most powerful thing you can do for your future…
is make the decision you've been avoiding.