Is Your Past Keeping You Stuck? 3 Steps to Break Free
Do you ever catch yourself replaying the same old story from your past—one that seems to prove you can’t, won’t, or probably shouldn’t try again?
Maybe it’s a relationship that didn’t work out, a decision you wish you’d made differently, or a dream that feels out of reach.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Nearly every woman I coach—myself included—has moments where the past feels louder than possibility. But here’s the truth: your past doesn’t get to decide your future…unless you let it. ✨
🪞See Your Past Differently
Most of us have lived through painful or challenging experiences. We’ve failed, fallen, and faced seasons that didn’t look the way we hoped. When we use those moments as proof of what’s possible next, we end up feeling stuck, hopeless, and small.
But what if your past happened exactly as it was supposed to?
What if there were no mistakes—only lessons, preparation, and growth?
You can’t go back for a “do-over.” But you can decide what your past means about you today and what you make it mean about your future. That power belongs entirely to you. 💪
📸 Your Past Is Like a Scrapbook
Think of your past like a scrapbook.
The photos are neutral—just snapshots of things that happened.
But the captions? Those are written by you.
You can keep the old captions that say “Failure,” “Wrong turn,” or “Proof I can’t.”
Or you can rewrite them to say “Lesson learned,” “Strength built,” and “Preparation for what’s next.”
The pictures don’t change, but the story you tell about them does.
My mentor Brooke Castillo taught me that when we argue with the past or wish it were different, we waste precious energy that could be creating the future we actually want. The events are fixed, but the captions are still in your hands.
⚖️ Past-Focused vs. Future-Focused
How can you tell if you’re past-focused?
Let me give you an example from my own life. I’ve struggled with a relationship that’s always felt hard. Every attempt to make it better seemed to backfire, so I started believing a good relationship with this person was impossible. To make it worse, she’s my step-daughter—so I made those past “failures” mean I was a bad step-mom.
That’s what past-focused thinking does. It turns history into limitation.
Here are a few other ways it shows up:
Story fondling: retelling the painful chapters again and again.
Victim thinking: deciding someone’s the villain (even if it’s you).
Regret: “If only I had…” or “I should have known better.”
Past focus feels heavy. It drains hope and creativity.
The alternative—future focus—feels completely different. 🌷
🌟 Choosing Future Focus
During a coaching session, my own coach helped me see that I’d been closing myself off to possibility. She reminded me that we’re simply two women with insecurities and sensitivities, each doing our best—and that our hardest relationships are often our greatest teachers.
(Dang it! True. But still…dang it!)
When I shifted into future focus, a few things happened:
My imagination opened up. I started seeing new ways to connect that I hadn’t considered before.
I stopped calling my past efforts “mistakes” and began seeing them as “tries that didn’t work out.”
I decided that no matter what happens, I’ve got my own back. I’m not the “wicked step-mother”—I’m a woman learning how to love in real life, not just ideal circumstances.
Future focus feels light, hopeful, and empowering. It feels loving. And the same can be true for you. 💖
✍️ A Quick 3-Step Exercise
Here’s a simple way to loosen the grip your past has on you:
Write it out. Pick one heavy story and get it all on paper—no judging, just honesty.
Ask: “What am I making this mean about me?”
Tell yourself the truth. Are you making it mean you failed? That you’re behind?Reframe: “What else could I make this mean?” or “How could this be preparing me for what’s next?”
It might sound simple, but it’s powerful. The shift from past to future focus takes awareness and energy—your brain will want to stay on autopilot. Stay curious anyway.
💫 Imagine What’s Next
So…what does your future look like?
Let your imagination go wild. Don’t limit your dreams to what your past says is “realistic.” That’s too small.
There’s no downside to dreaming big. None.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to create? What story do you want to tell next?
Your past doesn’t have the last word. In fact, it doesn’t need to have a word at all.
You have a say—and it can be anything you choose. 🌟
Isn’t that the best news ever?