How to Finally Stop Thinking Something Is Wrong With You

What if nothing is wrong with you… but your brain has simply gotten really good at asking the wrong questions?

Most of us walk through life with a quiet background belief that something is off. Something is missing. Something hasn’t worked. Something is late.

And without even realizing it, happiness gets pushed into the future.

“I’ll feel better when…”
“I’ll relax when…”
“I’ll be happy when…”

But what if you could train your brain to look for what’s going right instead? 💕

Your Brain Isn’t Broken

Let’s start with something important: there is nothing wrong with your brain.

Your brain was designed to scan for problems.
To predict danger.
To prevent pain.
To keep you safe.

That ability has helped humans survive for thousands of years.

So when your brain notices what’s missing, what’s late, or what hasn’t happened yet… it’s doing its job.

But here’s the catch: if you don’t guide your brain, it can begin to see problems everywhere.

Not because your life is broken.
Because your brain has never been trained to look for anything else.

And the way you begin that training is surprisingly simple.

You give your brain a new question.

The Question That Changes Everything

Try asking yourself:

What is going right?
What has gone right?
What is right about me?
What is right about my life?

This question gives your brain a new assignment.

And your brain loves having a job.

Here’s a real-life example.

Over the past 13 years, I’ve lost and gained the same 15 pounds about four times. That fact could easily become a story:

“See? I can’t lose weight.”
“I’m just destined to be thicker than I want.”

But when I intentionally look for what’s right, I see something completely different.

I see a woman who doesn’t give up.
I see years of learning about nutrition, hormones, and exercise.
I see a woman who has learned to appreciate and love her body no matter what.

The fact didn’t change.
The question did.

And whichever question your brain practices answering… it gets very good at.

The Detective Brain 🕵️‍♀️

Most women have unknowingly trained their brains to search for evidence that life isn’t working.

What’s missing → “I don’t have the relationship yet.”
What’s late → “I thought I’d be married by now.”
What’s behind → “Everyone else seems further along.”
What hasn’t worked → “I’ve tried dating and nothing sticks.”

Your brain becomes a highly trained detective for what’s wrong.

And happiness gets postponed.

But here’s the truth: seeing what’s going right is a trainable skill.

And it gets even more powerful when you make the process fun.

Why Surprise Makes Change Stick 🎉

Your brain loves novelty.
It loves anticipation.
It loves the feeling of: “Ooooh… something good might happen.”

This matters more than you think.

Because if you want your brain to build a new identity —
“I am the kind of person who follows through” —
success has to stay emotionally interesting long enough for change to stick.

That’s where surprise rewards come in.

The Surprise Reward Method

When you feel motivated, create a list of 10–20 rewards you’d genuinely enjoy.

Think:
✨ Buy the fancy candle
🍱 Order dinner and skip dishes
💆‍♀️ Book a massage
🌙 Take a night off from responsibilities

Write each reward on paper and place them in a jar.

Then choose a number range ahead of time (for example: 3–9 successful days).

Each time you follow through on a goal or habit, you move closer to your number. When you hit it… reward activates! 🎉

You pull a surprise reward from the jar.

Suddenly, showing up for your goals feels exciting.
Your brain stays engaged.
And you begin noticing what you’re doing right.

Make It Even More Fun

You can also create reward categories instead of specific rewards:

Comfort ☕
Luxury 💎
Freedom 🕊️
Connection 💕
Creativity 🎨

When reward day arrives, randomly pick a category and choose something in the moment.

Predictable category.
Surprise reward.

Your brain loves this.

The Rule That Makes It Work

Rewards must feel:
✔️ Earned
✔️ Meaningful
✔️ Slightly indulgent

This isn’t about rewarding yourself more.

It’s about making success emotionally interesting.

And when success feels interesting, your brain wants to repeat it.

What Starts to Change

Your brain begins asking new questions:

What did I follow through on today?
What worked today?
What did I do right?

You start catching yourself succeeding.
You start noticing progress.
You start seeing evidence that you follow through.

And slowly, something shifts.

You wake up expecting good things.
You trust yourself more.
You participate in your life differently.

Your brain starts asking:
“What’s working today?”

And the more it asks, the more it finds. 💕

Your brain will always know how to find problems.

But you can train it to see what’s going right.

And when you do, happiness stops feeling like something you’re waiting for… and starts feeling like something you’re choosing. ✨